Over the years I’ve come to disdain resolutions, especially the “Happy New Year” kind. Why? Primarily because it seems every resolution I make comes with guarantee to failure. I have found that most of these resolutions seek to drive you with motivation-by-obligation. And I have experienced how coming short of meeting the goal leaves you with guilt and despondency.

Why does this happen? I find the root problem in the legalism ethos that often attaches to a resolution. You must do this because of X, and if you fail, you will suffer consequence Y.

The [re]Solution? Grace. Extend yourself some grace to try to live better, but don’t seek to do it all on your own or for yourself.

That brings us to a related observation. Have you noticed how these resolutions almost exclusively focus on self? I will lost weight. I will watch less TV so that I can do something else that deserves my attention. I will achieve such and such in my career. I will exercise more. I will read this and that. I, me, me, me… Even those resolutions that aim to focus on others–e.g., I will spend more time with family–tend to focus on what I must do, how I will power through myself to do it and how I will become a better person for it.

Yet, that last type of resolution hints at more of the [re]Solution. If you want a goal to stick, maybe thinking of others first, ahead of self, and seeking to achieve in community rather on your own, leaning on others where you are weak, holds a greater potential for success.

Along the way, seek success that matters, not the empty sort that feels like failure even when you achieve it. And when you fail, or when others fail you, or rather likely, when life thwarts and disappoints you, extend grace and live by and in it.