The other day I ran across a statement that church-going people can be some of the most judgmental. Like that is breaking news. But OK, for extra credit I’ll note I can say the same about those frequenting your local neighborhood bars. Whether deciding what beer we like best or which beer drinker we rather hit on, judgments, large and small are flying back and forth all the time. Judgment happens.

In some cases these judgments are harmless enough, e.g., what beer or pretzels we like over the alternative(s). In other instances, we’re making potentially life-changing decisions about which person we prefer over the rest. How do we make such a decision? By flipping a quarter or spinning a bottle?

You see, here’s the irony: to say that any person is judgmental requires that we make a judgment about that person. About their character, even. To that we can say, “Ouch!” Or we can accept that we can’t live without making judgments—yes, even about people.

Has your boss ever requested a recommendation for a job opening? Whose name do you offer, and on what basis? What if your boss hands you a stack of resumes, asks you to select the ten best and directs you to interview them? Yes, you’ll evaluate job qualifications, but at some point you’ll be looking at other intangibles: ability to work well with others, willingness to work hard, in many cases (say, at a bank branch), character and integrity. If anyone has experienced this process, you know how tough it can turn out. Often you end up making determinations based on visual, superficial cues. You try to make it about facts and data, but those intangibles come into play. Sometimes you get it wrong. Still, your boss asked you to make the call, and you do.

I could bring up many other practical living examples that show how to get through life, we need to make judgments. Perhaps we need to think about the judging thing differently. Instead of not judging, perhaps we should focus on making gracious, fair judgments.

But… but… someone big and important said not to judge. You know. Dont cast the first stone? The plank out of the eye thing? What about that, huh?

As it turns out, after all the would-be stone throwers walked off, that guy also told the woman to go and sin no more. Did he judge her when he said that? He also said to take the plank out of your own eye so that you can see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. That’s right. The speck is still a problem, and still worth the trouble to remove it. But the spirit there is one of repair and reconciliation. Two important words there: repair, reconciliation. Is that your motive when you judge a person? Do the actions you take alongside the judgment align with the purpose of restoring rather than destroying someone?

I get where the cliché about judgmental church-goers comes from. Many of them are like bulls in china cabinets. They’re not out to repair anything. They’re corrosive. They attack and leave nothing but their own bitterness in their wake. They hurt without any effort to heal. But we shouldn’t let their error dissuade us from sound judgment. With grace, with wisdom, and with love we can judge in ways that lead to healing and restored relationships.